By Danielle Bowen
Two weeks ago, I had the fortune of my birthday falling on our rehearsal day. I looked forward to sharing my special day with a group of people who have become my family. I spent the days leading up to the event in rabid anticipation. What would the day bring? Surely the sun would shine down on me. People (strangers even!) would offer me hugs and well wishes. I would feel the light of my solar return beaming throughout my entire being!
On my birthday, I awoke from the elated anticipation and discovered, I was in fact, thoroughly depressed; uncertain whether I wanted to see anyone at all. The sun came and went. I sloshed through my day in search of a tender joy, but when I turned inward, all I felt was inconsolable despair. As I went through my morning, a dam built itself behind my eyes. Still, I held on to the joy theatre would surely bring that afternoon. Perhaps, the cake two of my fellow troupe members had baked for me would assuage my distress. Perhaps, the gentle hugs and compassionate eyes I have come to know in the Poetic Justice Theatre Ensemble would rescue me. When the time finally arrived for our rehearsal, I moved slowly into the opening circle that marks the beginning and ending of our time.
After a moment of silence, we were asked to make our circle a little larger. There was something important to discuss today. (My birthday!) Alas, we had been asked by the larger Theatre of the Oppressed community to create a video in recognition of the current Ukrainian crisis. We were shown burning images, tear-filled eyes, desperate faces, hands grasping; I saw myself in each image.
At our break, I rushed to the bathroom and the dam broke through. The tears came for every and any reason. My heart felt broken, again, for the suffering of all people. I allowed the tenderness of being human to fill my presence fully. After my tearful release, I was asked to step out of the cold, gray bathroom into the warm, dark heart lit only by 28 candles on a beautiful chocolate cake.
I closed my eyes as “Happy Birthdays,” filled my in-breath.
“Make a wish.”
I looked around the room at the glowing faces I have come to love so deeply.
“I wish for this light to spread all over the world, into every heart.”
I blew out the flames.
Danielle Bowen is a conscious dancer, poet, playwright, caregiver, and bourgeoning shaman. This is her 3rd season as a member of the Poetic Justice Theatre Ensemble.